The (Red) Devil Made Me Do It

An Arsenal fan in football-mad Kenya hung himself following his team's 4-1 aggregate drubbing by arch-rivals Manchester United in the Champions League semi-final, police said Wednesday. Suleiman Alphonso Omondi, a 29-year-old Kenyan living in the capital Nairobi's Embakasi neighbourhood, hung himself in his Arsenal shirt late Tuesday after the match, police said. "We were watching the match at Bamba 70 pub, and when Arsenal was defeated, Suleiman just walked out in protest and he was crying," Calvin Otieno, one of his friends, told AFP. "We didn't know he was going to hang himself until this morning when we received the reports and came here to find his body at the balcony," Otieno said outside the deceased's home. Arsenal slumped to a 3-1 defeat at home in the second leg of the Champions League semi-final, capping a disappointing season for the Gunners who were already out of the Premier League title race early in the season.

"The Fall Of Overlord of Western Chu(AKA Xiang Yu)"

The interpretation behind my Chi Chi Sticks determines that godawlful fates await in the year of the rat. The title of the particular cautionary tale behind this stick translates (more or less), "The Fall Of Overlord of Western Chu(AKA Xiang Yu)". Incidentally, I have always prefer Xiang Yu than Liu Bang despite the results.

Trouble Deciding?

Yeah right, just the kind of invention humankind need at this crucial period where the question on everyone's mind is... Which is the lesser evil? The Devil you know or The Devil you don't, or The Devil you don't want, and don't care to know? Chen Shui-bian, or Ma Ying-jeou? Barack Obama, or Hilary Clinton? Fret not. Need help making simple decisions? The Instant Feeling concept may just be the ticket. Simply rip off each petal one by one muttering you indecisiveness and let the last petal standing be your answer. It’s supposed to stimulate a person’s sensitivity with an unorthodox reaction because each petal bursts into flames after pulling it out. A reminder that once a decision is made, there’s no going back. Via yankodesign.

49 Or 74 Years On My Way To Hell

Depending on my operating mode (be it pessimistic or normal), I'll either die in 2027 or 2052, according to this.

Gay Bomb Apocalypse

The world is always ready to throw you a...bomb? Literally. Warren Eliis put it best: a watchdog organisation uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a biochem weapon capable of turning enemy soldiers into inexplicably horny homosexuals. A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting. Pentagon officials on Friday confirmed to CBS 5 that military leaders had considered, and then subsquently rejected, building the so-called "Gay Bomb." Edward Hammond, of Berkeley's Sunshine Project, had used the Freedom of Information Act to obtain a copy of the proposal from the Air Force's Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio. As part of a military effort to develop non-lethal weapons, the proposal suggested, "One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior." The documents show the Air Force lab asked for $7.5 million to develop such a chemical weapon. "The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soliders to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another," Hammond said after reviwing the documents. Fathom an apocalyptic future complete with mutated freaks speaking in wry absurdist tone, lone martyr heroic figure who always get to deliver his one-liners, (okay, you know where I am going with this) created by a nuclear gay bomb meltdown triggered by emotionally heavy, horny homosexuals...creating a world of homos, thus dooming the world.

Whatever Comes Out From Here, We Call It "Holy Shit"

Just in time for the festive season, further adventures of the "Jesus Lives - Sightings Of The Messiah" series... I'm quite certain that the site in question, which raised the issue, is supposedly a mock site. Anyway, the origin...What it is and how it came to be: Angus' personal Jesus was first discovered on the morning of Sunday, July 2, 2006. The family was waking up when Angus began to perform his morning ritual. He stretched forward then leaned back sticking his rump high in the air. At that moment, the morning sunlight hit Angus' rear end and low and behold, "It's Jesus!" Angus' father exclaimed. Ever since that sanctified day, the image of Jesus has graced Angus' buttocks. Has this most unique appearance manifested by natural means, coincidence or could it be divine intervention? Yes, opinions on the spiritual significance of this magical event are varied, but no one can dispute the image's existence This piece of dog's ass.. ...is supposed to look like this! Further flattering comments from "witnesses" to the ass, posted on the site... "People look for a sign from the God, but I don't think He would send us a message on a butt. Maybe God wants us to doubt the sign and then have faith? I don't know anything." "I came to your site with sacrilege on my mind but left having been touched by a pet/Jesus union." "The Lord really is EVERYWHERE!" Blasphemous rantings at their worst, eh. It's Christmas, damn it.

Jack Unmasked

Just in time to coincide with the "Ispwich Ripper"... The face of Jack the Ripper has been pieced together by Scotland Yard experts from evidence left by the Victorian killer. Modern profiling techniques have been used to form the most accurate portrait ever of the murderer, whose identity has remained a mystery for 118 years. The clues also suggest that police at the time were probably searching for the wrong kind of man... Laura Richards, head of analysis at Scotland Yard's violent crime unit, which conducted the study, said: 'For the first time, we are able to understand the kind of person Jack the Ripper was. 'We can name the street where he probably lived, we can see what he looked like and we can explain, finally, why he eluded justice.' Ms Richards and former Metropolitan Police commander John Grieve assembled a team of experts including pathologists, historians and a geographical profiler to see whether the case could be solved. Mr Grieve added: 'This is further than anyone else has got.' 'It would have been enough for coppers to get out and start knocking on doors. They would have got him.' Probably they should try their hands on the latest ripper incarnate.

Don't You Step On Jesus!

Probably I should start a "Jesus Lives - Sightings Of The Messiah" series here...Remember this? Hell, what's new, yet another sighting of Christ,and in this episode, we see him on a...factory floor in Wolverhampton! This image of Jesus has been uncovered in the cement of a factory floor in Wolverhampton. The convincing likeness of the son of God may look like it was intentionally created, but it was actually the result of a flash flood after a torrential downpour. During the hour-long rain storm, water surged into the reception of EMS Maintenance in Willenhall, Wolverhampton. Desperate staff grabbed mops and buckets to get the torrent under control but the concrete floor was quickly submerged under eight inches of water. Stay tuned for the next episode. Jesus will return in...

Four Million Bullets...

For four million freaking ear-to-ear smile...

Death Notes - "Poison, Creating Wicked Hearts"

Imitating events in the manga series Death Note, Chinese school students in the city of Shenyang have take to writing death notes. The students buy special stationary and follow instructions such as "Write the cause of death and the person's name backwards and the person will die in 40 seconds." A middle school student told the Shenyang Night Report, "Many of my friends have Death Note. When they are tired of studying, they have fun by writing down the names of teachers they don't like." Some Shenyang schools have banned the manga and related stationary, the newspaper called Death Note, "Poison, creating wicked hearts." Others however, including one major Chinese newspaper, feel that the ban is an over-reaction and is inappropriate. Some have suggested that overreactions such as these are what stifle creativity in China. Sounds like a great intro to me.

Cashing In On The DaVinci Code : Mona Lisa Speaks, And So Does DaVinci

Just in time to cash in the big one (together with Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh, and the countless "Encoding", "Decoding" blah blah blah), A Japanese Scientist (?) had figured out a way to make good'ol Leonardo speak! Check this out. The Mona Lisa's smile may always remain a mystery, but it is now possible to hear what her voice would have sounded like, thanks to a Japanese acoustics expert. Dr Matsumi Suzuki, who generally uses his skills to help with criminal investigations, measured the face and hands of Leonardo da Vinci's famous 16th century portrait to estimate her height and create a model of her skull. "Once we have that, we can create a voice very similar to that of the person concerned," Suzuki told Reuters in an interview at his Tokyo office last week. "We have recreated the voices of a lot of famous people that were very close to the real thing and have been used in film dubbing." The chart of any individual's voice, known as a voice print, is unique to that person and Suzuki says he believes he has achieved 90 percent accuracy in recreating the quality of the enigmatic woman's speaking tone. "I am the Mona Lisa. My true identity is shrouded in mystery," the portrait proclaims on a Web site at http://promotion.msn.co.jp/davinci/voice.htm "In Mona Lisa's case, the lower part of her face is quite wide and her chin is pointed," Suzuki explained. "The extra volume means a relatively low voice, while the pointed chin adds mid-pitch tones," he added. The scientists brought in an Italian woman to add the necessary intonation to the voice. "We then had to think about what to have her say," Suzuki said. "We tried having her speak Japanese, but it didn't suit her image." Experts disagree over who was represented in the portrait, with some saying the smiling woman is Leonardo himself, or his mother. The team also attempted to recreate Leonardo's own voice in a project timed to coincide with the release of the film "The Da Vinci Code." Suzuki said he was less confident about its accuracy because he had to work from self-portraits where the artist wore a beard, concealing the shape of his face. Suzuki's work has made contributions to criminal investigations -- in one case after he successfully aged a person's voice by a decade. A recording of the voice was broadcast on television, leading to the apprehension of a suspect...

Jesus On A CT Scan

Yet another sighting of Christ, (Boy are we near to Apocalypse) and this time, it's on a CT Scan! What's more, you can own your personal favourite CT Scan of sweet Jesus simply by winning the bid right here at ebay! Starting bids are at AU $20,000(Approximately US $14,982.00) with ZERO bids and one day left to close. Pledge your faith.

Die A Gorey Death

I know, most probably than not, I won't give a damn to the quizilla. But seeing this as a chance to revisit the wonderful art of the late great macabre artist, Edward Gorey... You will sink in a mire. You like to think you're normal, but deep down you really just want to strip off your clothes and roll around in chicken fat. What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die? brought to you by Quizilla

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Some Germans would rather spend Christmas with a tree than with their families, a new poll shows. The survey in Thursday's Focus weekly news magazine found 75 percent of Germans could not contemplate Christmas without their beloved "Tannenbaum," the traditional tree many cover lavishly with candles, lights and decorations. But only 65 percent said spending time with relatives was also essential for a good Christmas. Singing carols was the next most vital ingredient, with 57 percent saying they could not do without them, while 42 percent said Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without presents. The modern tradition of the Christmas tree originated in Germany. Three percent of the 1,014 people polled about attitudes to Christmas wanted to skip the whole thing. Just in time to slot in a Christmas piece, the usual wacko style. Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

Monkey Means Business

LONDON (AFP) - Three paintings by a chimpanzee named Congo were sold at auction in London to an American buyer for a total of 14,400 pounds (26,250 dollars, 21,610 euros), many times the estimated price... Monkey means business. Or madness.

Hell Awaits...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell! Here is how you matched up against all the levels: Level Score Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Very Low Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Low Level 2 (Lustful) Moderate Level 3 (Gluttonous) Low Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Low Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Very High Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) High Level 7 (Violent) Moderate Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) High Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) Moderate Take the Dante's Inferno Test

What's Your Superpower?

What's your superpower? My superpower? Stickiness. That stinks. Stinky movie-promo websites...

Talk Cock

HONG KONG (Reuters) - Chinese men have no reason to feel inferior about the size of their penises, according to a Hong Kong study which showed local men measured up to others elsewhere in the world below the belt. "Our conclusion is that Hong Kong people are no smaller than Western men, where their penises are concerned," said Chan Lung-wai, director of the Urology Center at the Union Hospital, who headed the study. "There has always been the myth that westerners have bigger penises and their (sexual) ability is better." Well, what can I say. "The truth? You can't handle the truth!"